It’s easy to get caught up in thoughts about our past and worry that we will create the same results we’ve always had. I see this a lot with women and their relationships. They worry that they seem to have something wrong with them because they keep attracting the same type of men. However, let me reassure you that there is nothing wrong with you if you think this happens to you. Even better, you can learn how to get what you want. In this case, it is possible for you to find a relationship with a partner you want.

There is Nothing Wrong with You

First, let me reassure you that this is nothing wrong with you.

Our human brains love to default to the negative. It will tell us that there is something wrong with us. It will tell us that other people can do it better, that they are just so much better than us.

We spend a lot of time in self-doubt, criticising ourselves, beating ourselves up and making ourselves feel terrible about any multitude of things about us – our thighs, our hair, our ability to play sports, our intelligence and our ability to attract the right mate.

Since the time I started receiving coaching, listening to others be coached and becoming a coach myself, I can tell you that these thoughts or something similar run wild in all of our brains. No one is spared. We all tend to think everyone is better than us in way or another. Usually it’s in a multitude of ways.

It is clear to me now that none of this is true and none of it has an upside. It does us no good.

I am here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you.

You are a human being and you are 100% worthy just because you are here.

You’re not supposed to be perfect.

It’s all OK.

You are OK.

Everyone thinks there is something wrong with them and it is simply not true.

You Do Not Have to Believe Everything You Think

Now that we’ve got that cleared up, the bad news is that your brain will continue to offer these thoughts to you every day for the rest of your life. It’s annoying. We are never one and done, in terms of ending the negative self-talk.

But that’s OK. Now that you know it’s not true, it is also true that you don’t have to believe everything you think.

What?

Your brain will think thousands of thoughts each day.

You don’t have to believe them if they do not serve you.

If your brain tells you that there is a problem with your thighs, you do not need to pay attention to it. You can say ‘thank you’ and ‘Next’! Now try to think another a thought. A better thought. Maybe ‘my thighs just might be OK’.

You get to choose. Choose not to believe the thought your brain thinks. Choose to think a new, better feeling thought.

Focus on What You Do Want

What you focus on you will create more of.

Imagine yourself driving a car. You look right and you see something out the window. Maybe it’s a beautiful view. Whatever. It captures your attention.

What happens if you look at the beautiful view a bit too long? Your car will probably start drifting to the right. It will go where your attention is, the car follows your focus and your energy.

The same thing will happen when you try to create a new result in your life.

Let’s say, for instance, you want a new relationship. When you spend all your energy on thinking about what you don’t want and you tell yourself that you only attract partners with those undesirable traits, that IS what you will continue to attract.

Your brain will focus on finding what you think about.

You won’t see any better options. You will keep creating only what you know and think repeatedly about.

How to Get What You Want

My suggestion is to make a list of what you do want. Make it as detailed as you can.

Now, visualise what the result you want looks like, and imagine how you would feel once you have it.

If we go back to the relationship example, imagine sitting on a beautiful beach with the partner with the same traits and characteristics on your list. Imagine how you would feel in that scenario.

It is ideal if you can revisit your list and to recreate this feeling on a daily basis.

Why? When you give your brain this list to focus on, this is what it will work to create. Your brain will start looking for this person, instead of being blocked because you keep telling it it’s not possible.

What you focus on, you will create more of.

As a result, once your brain knows what you do want, it will look for it. You will be more open to the possibilities and see things (people) that you never noticed before.

To help your brain along, aside from creating your list and visualising how you would feel once you have it, you can choose to practice better feeling thoughts. Thoughts such as “It’s possible that I might have the healthy relationship that I want”, “It might be possible that the person I want to meet is out there”.

Put these on your phone, on a sticky note, and wherever else you will see it regularly. Get into a daily habit of practicing these thoughts until you feel like you believe them.

The important thing is that you manage your brain or it will manage you. Direct it to focus on what you do want. Be specific. Remind yourself daily. Feel how it would feel to actually already have it.

If you want some help in getting what you want, email me at trista@tristaguertin and let’s chat.

I offer free 45 minute coaching sessions and we can take this work deeper and I’ll teach to start living by design, not default!