life coach & mentor

TRISTA GUERTIN

How To Be Perfect

March 14, 2022

How to be perfect? The good news is you already are! You are human and are having the perfect human experience.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

There is no wrong way

The idea that you could somehow be doing life wrong and are somehow imperfect is something we judge ourselves for and beat ourselves up about all the time. We believe that we are not the perfect wife, daughter, mother, sister, friend, employee, boss, athlete, dancer, yogi, etc., etc.

There is compare and despair – we compare ourselves to everyone else – she is doing it better, she is doing it all wrong.

It’s easy to believe that we are somehow flawed human beings and that we are the ones who are defective or incomplete. It’s easy to make ourselves feel bad when we make a mistake or experience failure.

We strive for perfection – to be the best, to never make a mistake, and feel like we can never be whole, or enough.

You may hide parts of yourself from the rest of the world because you are afraid you are less than everyone else.

You might feel that it’s too late. You’re too old. You can’t learn anything new. You can’t change.

Don’t Believe Those Stories in Your Head

But, what if, those stories you tell yourself are the exact same or very similar to the stories every woman tells herself?

What if we automatically default to the negative? What if most of our brains will tell us what is wrong and how we are doing it badly?

My feeling is that if every woman is having a similar experience, than it is not us, but our brains! We’re not doing it wrong – our brain is just telling us that!

Our brain has parts of it that are still very primitive, and it will try to seek pleasure, avoid pain and be efficient. It wants to keep us safe and alive. Our primitive brain wants us to remain a part of the pack and to fit in.

So, we worry, we blame, we judge. All due to thousands of years of trying to survive. Because if we didn’t do it right back during our days in the cave, we died. It was literally life or death.

Today, however, it’s not like that at all, but our brains are still programmed to survive.

So, what can we do?

Patience. Be gentle and less reactive with yourself.

Being gentle with yourself is a prerequisite before you can be gentle with anyone else.

Be curious. Try to understand why you did what you did, felt what you felt or said what you said. Awareness and understanding is important. Your goal here is not to judge or make yourself feel worse.

Don’t make any of it mean anything. You got angry? OK. You gained weight? Alright. Your marriage ended. Yes.

Don’t make it mean anything about you.

Decide You Are OK

Only you can decide not to listen to that voice in your head telling you all the negative things that are wrong with you.

You can decide that you are perfectly human, having the perfect human experience.

There will be ups and downs and you will experience all the emotions. You may not always like the way you act or what you say, but you are developing greater awareness around these and that alone can help improve your relationships with yourself and others.

You can decide who you want to be and how you want to show up.

Enjoy the full human experience. Strive for growth, expansion and learning, but don’t beat yourself or judge yourself to be less than ever, for any reason.

You are OK and you are doing it right.

You are already perfect.

If you want to learn how to take this work deeper, I offer free 45 minute coaching sessions so you can try life coaching for yourself. Get on my calendar and let’s chat!

Change is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. I would be honoured to be your coach.

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