life coach & mentor


Self-Confidence is a Choice

May 2, 2022

Self-confidence is a choice

We often think we don’t have enough self-confidence because we don’t have enough experience or skills. We are lacking in education or maybe we just weren’t born that way.

However, the truth is, self-confidence is a choice we make. We decide we will have confidence in ourselves.

Having self-confidence means we feel secure in ourselves and our abilities. We have trust in ourselves to feel any emotion and know we will not be harmed and we have a healthy opinion of ourselves.

No one is born with self-confidence, we have to earn it. It begins and ends with our relationship with ourselves. Self-confidence is a choice we have to make.


Do you do what you say you are going to do? If you say you’re going to go to the gym or make that doctor’s appointment, do you do it? Even if you don’t feel like it? Can you count on yourself?

The opposite of confidence is doubt. If you continually break your promise to yourself, you will be doubtful of your ability and commitment to follow through and do want you want to do.

In order to be able to trust yourself, you need to keep your word to yourself and follow through.

Feel Your Emotions

Can you feel any emotion or are there some you are afraid of and actively avoid?

Most of us, when given a chance, will avoid feeling embarrassment, disappointment, failure, heartbreak, grief, etc. This is natural. As human beings, our brains are wired to avoid pain and to keep us safe. A few thousand years ago, back when we were living in caves, our brains primarily wanted to keep us safe physically. However, these days, most of the time, our brain is working to keep us safe emotionally as we don’t face as many physical threats to our day-to-day survival.

An emotion is just a vibration in our body. It will not harm us. It will not kill us. Yet most of us actively avoid emotion out of fear that we can’t handle them. The truth is, we can handle them and they will not create permanent damage if we can learn how to process through them and feel them through.

By opening ourselves up to experiencing any emotion, knowing that the very worst that will happen is that we will have to feel it, then we can achieve amazing results in our lives. Our dreams, whatever it is we want, is on the other side of those emotions. Going after what we want becomes less risky if we know we can handle any emotion we might feel along the way.

How You Think About Yourself

Your opinion about yourself is important and it will either support you or undermine you, depending on what you think. Self-confidence is a feeling and our feelings are generated by what we think. If you think thoughts that you are worthy, capable, and strong, you will have greater confidence in yourself than if you thinking you are weak, undisciplined, or unworthy. Even if you don’t 100% believe that in your worthiness or strength yet, choosing to think these thoughts. Even when done imperfectly, this will create enough of a feeling of confidence to move you forward. You will be able to take the next step.

Finally, believe that you will always figure whatever you need to out. When we are trying something new or find ourselves in challenging situations, we imagine that we will find ourselves stuck and incapacitated in some ways that we won’t be able to resolve. However, even though right at the moment you may not know how you will figure things out or do the thing you need to do, believe that you will figure it out. You’ve made it this far because you are smart and capable and have the ability to problem solve. Believe that you will be able to do so any time you need to, regardless of the situation.

Final Thoughts

Having a low opinion of ourselves is very common, usually quite naturally. This is a habit that we have fallen into through no fault of our own. However, learning to manage our minds and consciously choosing our thoughts about ourselves and our abilities is within our control and our responsibility.

Trusting yourself, adopting a positive attitude about yourself and developing self-confidence are all choices. Our brains may be programmed to look for what is wrong, but our minds are also the most powerful tools in the world and can help us create our thoughts and feelings in order to achieve amazing results in our lives.

With increased self-confidence, you will lead a bigger, bolder life, filled with goals, action and achievements.

Consciously choose your thoughts, including:

  • I am capable
  • I am made for this
  • I am just getting started
  • I have my own back
  • I will figure this out

Working with a coach is one of the most powerful ways to help you learn to override your default thinking patterns and overcome your limiting beliefs.

If you would like to try coaching for yourself, click on this link to set up a free one hour session with me.

Let’s talk through where in your life you are lacking self-confidence and we’ll take some of this work deeper so you can create the amazing results you want for yourself.

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