life coach & mentor


Letting Go

April 18, 2022

Photo by Fidan Nazim qizi:

Letting go is hard. It takes time. Sometimes it takes a lot of time. And by a lot of time, I mean years. Some people never let go.

Letting go is healthy and is an integral part of our growth and expansion. Often, we can conceptually know that something – a job, a relationship, a house, city, friend, no longer is serving us. No longer serving meaning we feel we have outgrown it or they have outgrown us. This is a natural part of our human experience, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

Making Our Choice

When it comes to making a decision about letting go, a great exercise my coach suggested to me was to ask myself if I was choosing my job/partner/city, house, again today, would I choose it? This is a fantastic exercise that I also use with my clients. More often than not, the answer comes pretty quickly and definitively. It is the history and memories which make acting on that decision more complicated.

For myself, it came up regarding a relationship which was no longer a healthy one for me. It had run its course and I was not going to get what I wanted from it. Yet, the decision to act took months. I only reached that decision when there was finally one situation that drove me to end it.

However, I have to be honest, that was two and a half years ago now. It was really only last weekend that I feel that I well and truly ended it. This despite the fact that we had not been in a formal relationship this entire time and we hadn’t seen each other this entire time. In fact, we hardly spoke on a regular basis.

Still, the relationship and this person was in my heart. It felt like a part of me. Who was I without it?

Looking back over the past few years, I didn’t take the time to reflect on that question. Perhaps it would have helped. Or perhaps I just wasn’t ready.

Give Yourself Time

Regardless, the point is, letting go takes time. But again, I don’t think this is a problem as long as we are committed to the following:

  1. Continue trying to let go.
  2. Be honest with ourselves about wanting to moving on; we know that it whatever it is we are letting go of no longer serves us.
  3. We would not choose it again today.
  4. Don’t make the failure to let go or the decision to let go, mean anything about ourselves. It’s not about being good or bad, right or wrong.
  5. Have our own backs
  6. Like our reasons for letting go
  7. Do not indulge in regret or second guessing ourselves as this is simply a choice and a waste of energy.
  8. Allow all of our feelings, without resistance, without trying to change them. We feel our feelings.
  9. We don’t judge ourselves ever.

Allow for Space and Grace

I think one of the most important parts of this process is that we don’t judge ourselves or beat ourselves up over how we think we should let go. There really is no time frame or deadline.

Giving ourselves the space and grace to process our feelings and thoughts, to be honest with ourselves and to know that we are exactly where we need to be are important parts of the process.

I love the idea of giving ourselves space and grace. You have time and you have space.

There are no rules, no deadlines, and no finish line.

Trust in yourself and trust that you are exactly where you need to be.

If you want help letting go, I offer free 1 hour coaching sessions. This is your time to work on yourself with someone 100% dedicated helping you. You can schedule your session here.

Leave a note

  1. Suzan says:

    I love this, but for me I’m having an issue letting go of my anger towards my ex for his lack of involvement in our relationship and with our kids before and after our divorce. I am totally at peace with my decision to end things but stay angry eith him for his continuous lack of involvement and the unbalanced parenting. How do I let go of something that is constantly happening and feels like it will continue as it is out of my control ?

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